From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The struggles of a small town man whore
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
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