'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Green mimosas i think yes
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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