My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize