All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
