Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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