Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I AM VODKA MAN
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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