Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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