the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Randomize
