im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
