new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
