My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
