that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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