Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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