You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
