Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
