flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
