Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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