You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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