What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
