I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
