did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
