I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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