I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
