So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
