I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
