Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
