I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
