I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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