about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
