Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
