My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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