my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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