Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
