He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
