i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
