In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
