I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
