he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
