There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Two words: blizzard sex
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
