you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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