If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
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