Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
