Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
