Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
