You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
