You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
