In the future we'll all be gay
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
