dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
