I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
