Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
