Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
